Lesson one: Only trust people who like big butts... They cannot lie.
We are sisters. If I am mad at someone, you are mad at them too. End of story.
No, I don't need to walk a mile in your shoes. I can see that you're a train wreck from all the way over here.
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I only want to get old if my life is going to be like the Golden Girls.
I get called a Bitch quite often. What I don't get called is a pushover, stupid, sweetheart, or a doormat. Works for me.
Here's a Picture of Channing Tatum As an Actual Stripper
You're not a real parent until you've flipped your child off behind his back at least once.
Dear Alcohol, we had a deal. You were to make me funnier, sexier, more intelligent & a better dancer.. I saw the video.. We need to talk.
Sometimes I like to treat myself at work and just do one thing at a time. Oh, wait, I'm a teacher.
